I’m happy and grateful.

I’ve had enough of all the good, and the bad.

The clouds were bright today, a slight hint of grey shrouding in pretense,

But nothing to rain on our sunshine.

This feels familiar, but strange at the same time, odd
because this feeling has been absent for a while

See, there are many tattoos and scars on our arms, but here’s a keloid

And it is embarrassing.

Tried to do better, but still misunderstood

No, not a victim.

But tonight, as I was rolling dough so that tomorrow’s noodles for my dad would be perfectly cooked

“Do you still think of Mommy?”

“Yes. Girl, you need to let go.”

I don’t know why I asked, perhaps just to check if we still share that sentiment

Which I’m no longer a part of.

Skin is still intact,
Clothes still ironed,
Blankets still puffed,
Scars still evident.

I’m trying to be a good person,

Why won’t you give me a chance?

I wanted to write something positive, happy, encouraging.

But no. You had to rain.

I’m going back to it. It hurts more because nothing comes out of goodness, even if I don’t believe in this shit. It will get better, and it won’t as well.

I wish I have the courage to sit upon the window ledge again. Again. Let me sit again. Again, let me sit again. Courage. Sit. Pick up a call. Drink.

Jump please.

Sadness, but I’m not sad. I’m desperate, desperate to..

Stay away from me.


One thought on “

  1. There are no answers for pain, no magic formula. It either goes away or we get use to it, becomes a part of us. Life does goes on, we choose not to, but still living either way. It is not courage to die that you need, but courage to live. Death does not require courage, only desperation. I wish you could find courage, that is a wish from a stranger, for you-

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